For The Wrong Reasons...




I can remember wanting to get married for the wrong reasons… You know reasons like it is what we are supposed to do… All my friends were getting married… Or how about getting married because if I didn’t, I would grow old and be alone… All valid concerns, but none valid reasons… As a 48-year-old man I now see most of the above were driven by fear, expectations and desperation… Marrying because of love, desire and a willingness to surrender my independence to become a team wasn’t the driving force behind it… Like many of you reading, I wanted to be apart of a clique; elite group of married people and bring a child into the world with a married Mother and Father…


I can remember holding on to people for the wrong reasons… You know reasons like forgiveness commands you to continue to befriend people who have proven they are your enemy… It was the good ole Christian thing to do… Or how about the fear of her/him failing in life if I wasn’t present… As a 48-year-old man I now see most of the above were driven by morals placed on my during my upbringing, a false perception of the meaning of “forgiveness” and to be honest, the overestimation of my presence in someone else’s life. I held on because I felt I needed whatever they were giving… I held on because I felt comfortable in the toxic they brought into my life… I held on because I believed they were the “best” I’ve ever had or could possibly ever have…


I can remember giving for the wrong reasons… You know reasons like I wanted their approval; validation and acceptance… Giving to prevent their exit from my life… Or how about giving as a means to control and manipulate… As a 48-year-old man I now see most of the above were driven by my insecurities; low self-esteem and my need to feel in control of something. In many cases I gave, but never received… I gave time, energy, youth and even money… I sacrificed so many things, but couldn’t see nothing was being sacrificed for me…


What I know for sure is… If you’re giving; holding on to someone or wanting to be married for any other reason than it makes your heart smile… You’re doing it for the wrong reason… Marriage won’t make you, Singleness won’t destroy you… Letting go won’t kill you, but holding on will poison you… Not giving won’t block the blessings, but “motive driven” giving will chain you to curses you need to be freed from… What are you doing for the wrong reasons?


Check out the latest Brown Liquor & Cigars Podcast "Three Women, One Man"



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